Leaving Food Behind

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......nobody knew. I would eat enough for four, go to the washroom after every meal, or starve for three days straight. For ten years, nobody knew I had a problem with food -- I fooled everybody. Nobody knew, not even me, that my eating disorder was never about food. I had been feeding myself love, safety, security and strength. I could conquer the world, be anybody, do anything when I was eating. When I felt I was losing control of my eating, I starved and immediately, I regained control. Then one bright sunny spring day, the sunlight shone down on me, exposing the person had become. Student and employee by day -- binger, purger, exerciser and starver by night. I felt revolted but couldn't run. I could no longer binge, purge, starve or overeat -- my body was utterly exhausted. My emotions were painful well beyond my control. My recovery began. For the next four years, I experienced emotions I had held inside me, emotions that previously I had been too afraid to feel. Little by little, I was becoming the person I had been born to be. I felt happy, excited and alive. I felt a vibrant inspiration to participate in life. I wanted to live -- and I was -- living and feeling in this beautiful world. This book is about how I came out of hiding and back into life...leaving food behind.