I Love You but I've Chosen Darkness

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From "the most captivating voice to come out of the West since Annie Proulx" (Vogue), this furious, hilarious, and soul-rending story explores one woman's reckoning with marriage, work, sex, and motherhood. After the birth of her baby, the narrator experiences a shift in her ability to find humor in life. Leaving her husband, Theo, and their young daughter, Claire, she embarks on a flight to Reno for a speaking engagement, armed only with a breast pump and a creeping case of postpartum depression. What starts as a temporary escape quickly transforms into a profound journey away from the confines of marriage and motherhood, plunging her into the depths of her past. In the Nevada desert of her childhood, Claire confronts her ghosts: the first love whose suicide haunts her, her father from a notorious cult, and her mother, whose spirit fades under the weight of addiction. Unable to rewrite her past, Claire seeks a path forward. Alone in the wilderness, she discovers a way to make herself at home in the world. Bold, tender, and often darkly humorous, this narrative reaffirms the "brutal kind of beauty" (Los Angeles Times) and "mercilessly sharp" vision (NPR) that has established Watkins as a significant voice in contemporary literature.